The London Chainstore Massacre
Saturday 28th October 2017
Can you survive the London Chainstore Massacre..?
Who will survive… and what will be left of them?
Healthy movement requires a strong body and a strong mind. Come and test both and throw yourself headlong into the now-legendary annual event that is the London Chainstore Massacre! A full day of intensive physical and mental challenges devised by our expert movement and strength coaches, held at the monster factory that is The Chainstore Gym & Parkour Academy.
The Massacre is a one-day trial by fire. It’s a survival event: you begin the day with three lives, and any challenge failed loses you one life. When all three lives are gone you’re out. Survive all the challenges and you claim the coveted rank of Massacre Survivor, which very few ever achieve.
The Massacre is open to everyone to take part, and your three lives will at the very least keep you in the hunt until the lunch-break! It’s a rip-roaring, mind-bending, body-testing ride of a day that you’ll never forget. A-Game required. Bring heart.
No quarter is asked or given. The challenges could be anything, from strength to agility to endurance to power to a combination of everything. We don’t apologise for the unreasonable nature of the event. But those who survive know they’ve achieved something very special. Those left at the end of the day will receive an exclusive Survivor souvenir, not available anywhere else and not available to buy, and can bask in the warm glow of their trial by fire receding behind them. Until next year, that is…
Following the Massacre we hold the Chainstore Gym Halloween Party on that very same day, so whether you survived or not you can relax, unwind and share tales of heroism, courage and glory with our amazing community. Make your Halloween a Massacre this year!
The Rules – Simple: show up and survive a full day of physical challenges, strength and conditioning drills, movement tasks and general fitness tests. The catch? You won’t know what the Massacre will throw at you until the day, so it’s a true test of your functional fitness and adaptive capabilities. The rules are simple: you will be issued with 3 ‘lives’ when you start – fail to complete a challenge and you lose one life. Once you’ve lost all 3, you’re out and get to watch the survivors battle on without you. Simple. There’s no event quite like this anywhere in the world, and we know it’s an unreasonable challenge… but that’s why you’re in, right?
Who can come? – Anyone over the age of 16 is welcome. Ideal for fitness enthusiasts, obstacle course racers, parkour practitioners, lifters and athletes of all shapes and sizes. Complete beginners, intermediates and advanced individuals will all be challenged and pushed to their limits.
Where will it be? – The Chainstore Parkour Academy, Trinity Buoy Wharf, 64 Orchard Place, London, E14 0JY. Nearest transport link is East India DLR station.
When will it be? – Saturday October 28th 2017, from 10am until it ends…
How much does it cost? £50. (Standard Members receive a 10% discount, Premium memberships include the event as part of their membership – registration still required)
How do I book? – Please see below.
How many tickets are available? – Strictly 60 places are available for this event! Once they’re gone they’re gone, so grab yours now!
What happens after? – We party! We throw a Halloween Party at the Chainstore Gym immediately following the event, for everyone who took part. Costumes, craziness and horror are all encouraged.